thecoffeefaery

There's a pretty interesting article about Obama's political strategy here. And that's all I have to say about that today.

I'm having a rough day. I wanna go home. Sucks. A lot.

Coming back here is stressful. It always makes me realize how much adolescent bullshit I'm still holding on to. And then I think about how much I want to let go of it. But I haven't quite gotten that far on the path to enlightenment yet.

I miss Keith. I miss having someone to lay next to late at night. This is, I think the longest period of time I've gone without seeing him since we started dating. Including my jail time. It's highly unpleasant. I'm not used to sleeping alone anymore.

Aside from which, I'm just feeling somewhat let down by humanity in general at the moment, which is not actually humanity in general's fault. (See previous entry for a little but of further information. As much as there will be, anyway.) And I'm annoyed with myself for being annoyed about that. Rawr.

I got new shoes tho. Sweet new pair of white Vans. And some new clothes from Maurices. And a new comforter. Lots of fun stuff.

I'm very, very tired. Very tired. And really wanting a good rant, but not energized enough to have one. Maybe I'll nap and then rant...

I think I will. Stay tuned...

So here's the thing: When you say, "I'm going to try and rebuild the trust with you, and maybe someday get another chance," or something along those lines, you should probably wait at least a couple weeks before posting MySpace bulletin-survey doomawatzits wherein you talk about making the smoochies with someone else.

Just a thought, you know. A thought about how glad I am that I only entertained the idea of changing my entire life for you for a second. A thought about how there's a damn good reason I don't trust you in the first place. A thought about how much better I have it than I ever could with you.

Because you know what? He does something you are apparently not willing to risk doing: He loves me.

And I love him.

Not that I'm one of those who thinks, "Oh, he's THE ONE. I could never love anyone else but him." There are billions of people on this planet.I'm sure there are at least a few I could be happy with forever.

You've proven that you aren't one of them.

Congrats on fucking up again. I wish you the best. Do your thing. But, honey, whatever you do, do it knowing that you walked away from the best thing you'll ever have a shot at- twice.

You're right. I shouldn't have given you the time of day.

Given the recently hugely risen tobacco tax and an ever increasing number of studies about things that are bad for you, I have just one question: What, exactly, are we allowed to do? Because apparently, all of our vices are now against the rules.

Alcohol causes cancer, meat causes cancer, everyone knows smoking causes cancer, and pot's just illegal... So, where's the fun?

People wonder why we are becoming an increasingly more neurotic culture, with a steadily increasing avalanche of psychological medications prescribed every year. You know what the answer is?

We have to remove ourselves from reality somehow! All of our old standbys are becoming no-nos, as much so now as ever, so we have to pop pills. At least that's still allowed, right?

Isn't everyone just so excited for the new prohibition? This time, instead of just alcohol, they're takin' it all!

I wanna fight this guy. Books do not belong on Twitter. Can you picture Shakespeare sittin in his basement Tweeting his plays? No. Not that technology has no place in literature. I think online books are pretty sweet. I prefer to read the ink and paper kind, but that's a personal thing. I'm a bibliophile, and I love contact with actual books. But I have on several occasions found online books pretty handy. That's not the point. The point is, by Twittering his book, he's reduced it to the level of everyday minutiae, the sentence by sentence updates of a random life. Is that what he wants?


G.W. has a $7 million dollar book deal to "write his most important life lessons." Things like: "Do lots of coke and abandon your cushy military post. Your idiot countrymen will elect you president anyway." Really? This is at least as bad as If I Did It, if not worse.

In Downturn, Americans Flock to the Movies

And yet...

Economic woes hit porn industry


Interesting... so maybe our economic problems, like the incident of 9-11, are drawing us together, and making us want to spend more time with our loved ones, and less time locked in our bedrooms rubbing one out.

(See The 10 Commandments of Punditry, which are very funny, here.)

There is a columnist at my local paper, The Montana Standard named Roberta Stauffer. She writes a column every Monday, aptly titled "Monday Musings."

The column this week captured my attention. Read it here.

Since my attention was captured, I figured, why not read about this a little more? I found articles about it at Fair.org and at Newsweek.com, and a discussion board about the Newsweek article at Democratic Underground. All of which are based on a study by research psychologist Philip Tetlock. Which, in turn is based on a quote by a Greek poet. Long history for a series of stories about talking heads.

It's an interesting point to make, especially in the light of the current Jon Stewart - Jim Cramer war, which is based on a simple comment Stewart made on Cramer's incorrect predictions about the continued viability of former investment bank Bear Stearns, now merged with JPMorgan Chase. A merger which happened a little less than 2 weeks after Cramer, host of CNBC's Mad Money, was quoted as saying "Bear Stearns is fine!" (Video here.)

Lil Jimmy made a doody. It happens. Stewart is a funny, funny man and probably my favorite news-source, and definitely the most fun to watch.

The scary part of this, as Stewart pointed out last night on The Daily Show, "In Cramer we trust." Yikes. Dude, he doesn't actually possess divine powers. He's not in control of Wall Street, he just watches the trends and makes informed predictions about what will happen next. I could do that too. Without the sound effects.

So I put Vista on my computer, and so far I am quite enamored with it. Enough so that I am sitting in the dark in my basement staring at my computer screen, as I have been since I got out of bed this morning.

It's not all that impressive, really. I mean it's cool but it's not like, world-changing and revolutionary. One of the things that makes me happiest is that LimeWire now works properly. I dunno why it does, but I'm stoked about it. Simplifies my life. It'll be nice not having to hard drive all my music back and forth.

I do have 2 portable hard drives now, for no apparent reason. The first one doesn't work as well as it once did, so I got a new one.

And I finally put a new CD drive in my computer that reads and burns DVDs, which, again- STOKED!

I'm getting a wireless desktop set next I think. And a new graphics card, cuz mine is shit.

Also, proper speakers would be lovely. I do not like the one I have now all that well.

1. In the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4:
I'm not at home, where there is always a book nearby, and I can't find one.

2.Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, what do you reach
Beth, who is now looking at me like I've lost my damn mind.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
The Bonnie Hunt Show is on right now, but I'm not really watching it.

4. Without looking, guess what time it is
2:20

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
2:18

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
TV, Beth and Matt talking.

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Coming back to Beth's from the airport after saying good-bye to Kime.

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
A bunch of people's Facebooks and stuff about lizards.

9. What are you wearing?
My super-comfy Wal-Mart sweats, a black tank top, my knock-off Converse, and black sunglasses serving as a headband.

10. Did you dream last night?
Yeah, but I've forgotten what about.

11. When did you last laugh?
Like half an hour ago, at Beth.

12. See anything weird lately?
A two-year old girl punching a soldier in the ass. She's a lil flirt.

13. What do you think of this quiz?
Kind of a waste of time, but I'm bored.

14. What is the last film you saw?
Mamma Mia. It was dumb.

15. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
A new car, and a house so my fiance would quit worrying, and a nicer computer. And prolly a lot of shit for Beth. I'm her bitch/bodyguard.

16. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would it be?
I'd make the economy better. Or end the wars in the Middle East.

17. Do you like to dance?
Hells yeah. But for me, dancing tends to take the form of just moving my MASSIVE ASS around a lot lol.

18. George W. Bush:
IS GONE! BRING IN THE NEW POWER!

19. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Peyton prolly.

20. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Well, Keith claims we're naming our firstborn soon Taziki. I like Riley, and Matthew, and I'd kinda like to name one of my boys after my dad.

21. Would you ever consider living/studying abroad?
Yeah. I'd love to, but I doubt I ever will now. It's harder to do when you're married.

22.Tag four people who MUST also do this in THEIR notes!

23. Put the last song you listened to on your portable music device as the title.

"Sometimes the truth hurts. And sometimes it feels good."
Henry Rollins

So I'm watching The Women. And it's reminded me of something that I've thought about several times before.

Sometimes you have to lose everything before you can find yourself. Sometimes it takes the worst thing to ever happen to you to make your life what it should have been all along.

Things may not turn out perfect, and it might not be easy, but you can, like a phoenix, rebuild yourself out of the trash and ashes left over from what used to be you, what used to be your life.


"Nothing is sacred. Doubt -- in everything -- is absolutely essential. Everything, no matter how great, how fundamental, how beautiful, or important it is, must be questioned.
It's only when people believe that their beliefs alone are beyond all doubt, that they can be as truly horrible as we all know they can be. Belief is the force behind every evil mankind has ever done. You can't find one truly evil human act in human history that was not based on belief-and the stronger their belief, the more evil human beings can be."
Brad Warner, Hardcore Zen

Can I get an 'Amen,' please?

It kind of reminds me of this scene from Dogma:

Rufus: He still digs humanity, but it bothers Him to see the shit that gets carried out in His name - wars, bigotry, televangelism. But especially the factioning of all the religions. He said humanity took a good idea and, like always, built a belief structure on it.
Bethany: Having beliefs isn't good?
Rufus: I think it's better to have ideas. You can change an idea. Changing a belief is trickier. Life should malleable and progressive; working from idea to idea permits that. Beliefs anchor you to certain points and limit growth; new ideas can't generate. Life becomes stagnant.

How can you not see the perfectly reasonable and realistic logic in this? People do stupid, horrible things in the name of what they believe. I'm all for having faith in something, but faith and belief are not the same thing.

I have faith in lots of things: Love, the basic goodness of humanity, natural selection, the ability of caffeine to instantly make me a happier and more pleasant person... the list goes on.

And I have lots of ideas. About all kinds of things. Too many to list here. My big idea tho, the overarching idea, my umbrella concept is that people should be more involved in life and more interested in learning. Not necessarily education -- education is all about rank and file, and that's an idea I don't like.

What do I believe in? I believe that beliefs are very dangerous things.

01. Do you like blue cheese?
I fucking despise it actually.

02. Have you ever smoked?
I smoke like a chimney. We'll not discuss my smoking habits outside of cigarettes, mmkay?

03. Do you own a gun?
I have owned a few, but right now, they've all been inherited by my younger brother.

04. What flavor Kool-Aid was your favorite?
Wait, was? Grape. I love when my mouth turns colors other than the normal one lol.

05. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
Nope.

06. What do you think of hot dogs?
Delicious. Please don't remind me what they're made of.

07. Favorite Christmas movie?
Miracle on 34th Street.

08. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Tequila. No, seriously, coffee. I loves it.

09. Can you do push ups?
Like 3.

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
My (both currently broken) angry vagina flower and naked lady goddess necklaces. And the really nice bracelet my boyfriend's parents got me for Christmas this year.

11. Favorite hobby?
Reading. Writing. Cooking.

12. Do you have A.D.D?
Yeah, I guess I - Ooo look! A kitty!

13. What's one trait you hate about yourself?
I'm selfish and spoiled and lazy and kind of a brat.

14. Middle name?
Ariel.

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment!
I wonder if Keith will call me when he gets done with basketball. I still have to pee. I wanna go home and write!

16. Name 3 drinks you drink regularly?
Mt Dew, coffee, XXX Vitamin Water.

17. Current Worry?
Being unemployed.

18. Current hate right now?
Mooches.

19. Favorite place to be?
In bed with Keiffers.

20. How did you bring in the New Year?
Sitting on a couch with Beth and Keith, babysitting. Eating Ben and Jerry's.

21. Where would you like to go?
Italy.

22. Name three people who will complete this:
Prolly no one.

23. Do you own slippers?
Nope.

24. What color shirt are you wearing right now?
Dark green.

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
Yeah, I guess.

26. Can you whistle?
Not really.

27. Favorite color(s)?
Pretty much all of them, depending on my mood. And the non-colors.

29. What songs do you sing in the shower?
Whatever I have in my head or have playing on my speakers at the time.

30. Favorite Girl's Name?
Peyton.

31. Favorite boy's name?
Riley.

32. What's in your pocket right now?
My phone.

33. Last thing that made you laugh?
"Thug life!"

34. Best bed sheets as a child?
The flannel penguin ones.

35. Worst injury you've ever had?
Broke my left leg in middle school.

36. Do you love where you live?
YES!

37. How many TVs do you have in your house? .
Um...3.

38. Who is your loudest friend?
Prolly me. Lol. Or Beth.

39. How many dogs do you have?
Two at my folks' place.

40. Does someone have a crush on you?
Hopefully my boyfriend. Lol. Other than that, there are a couple.

41. What is your favorite book?
Anything by Tamora Pierce. Or Kate Forsyth. The Twilight books.

42. What is your favorite candy?
Pretty much anything involving chocolate.

43. Favorite Sports Team?
Denver Broncos.

44. What song do you want played at your funeral?
There are several.